Merry Christmas!

I did not disappear off the face of the earth, merely sicker than I have been for a long time. I am, however, finally on the mend and will be up and posting before you know it.

Enjoy the day, enjoy the remainder of the season!

Well, whaddya know?

This is taken from the July 31, 2007 issue of The American Society of Radiologic Technologists newsletter. As everyone, especially thos who are having a hard time right now, can use a bit mor joy in their lives this is certainly food for thought.

Paying taxes and giving to charity appear to stimulate the brain’s pleasure center, according to a new functional magnetic resonance study.
A three-member research team, including a cognitive psychologist and two economists, used fMR to scan the brains of 19 women as they watched their money go to the food bank through mandatory taxation, and as they made choices about whether to give more money voluntarily or keep it for themselves.
Participants were asked to lie on their backs in the fMR scanner for an hour-long session and view financial transfers on a computer screen. The scanner used a super-cooled magnet, carefully tuned radio waves and powerful computers to calculate what parts of the brain were active as subjects saw their money go to the food bank and made decisions on additional giving.
The fMR results showed that when the subjects saw the charity get the money, there was activation in two brain regions: the caudate nucleus and the nucleus accumbens. The activation was even larger when people gave the money voluntarily instead of just paying it as taxes. These brain regions are the same ones that fire up when basic needs and pleasures are satisfied.
Researchers were surprised that the brain's reward center was stimulated even when the subjects did not have a free choice as to where their money was going.
"It reinforces the idea that there is true altruism, where it's all about how well the common good is doing," said Ulrich Mayr, Ph.D., from the University of Oregon in Eugene, Ore. "I've heard people claim that they don't mind paying taxes, if it's for a good cause, and here we showed that you can actually see this going on inside the brain, and even measure it." The study appears in the June 15 issue of Science.
The study gives economists a novel look inside the brain during taxation, according to William T. Harbaugh, Ph.D., from the University of Oregon.
"To economists, the surprising thing about this paper is that we actually see people getting rewards as they give up money," he said. "Neural firing in this fundamental, primitive part of the brain is larger when your money goes to a nonprofit charity to help other people."
"On top of that, people experience more brain activation when they give voluntarily, even though everything here is anonymous," added Dr. Harbaugh. "That's a very surprising result and, to me, an optimistic one."
Dr. Mayr suggested that neural activation on fMR could help predict which people would give the most money to charity.
“We could call the people whose brains light up more when money goes to charity than to themselves altruists,” he said. "The others are egoists."
The research team noted that the study participants saw their tax dollars going to a food bank. It remains to be seen if the brain responses would have been similar if their taxes had not gone to charitable causes.
By Laurie Volkin and Richard S. Dargan, ASRT Contributing Writers

Seas of change

In the last few days, I have read some disturbing things about global warming; a phenomenon that many fiscal hawks are still saying doesn't exist. The Arctic ice has been melting at an alarming rate and the average temperature has risen in the Northern extremes by anywhere from 5 to 10 degrees. This melting has already caused an environmental impact in that area, as demonstrated by the plight of the polar bear. In other areas, the rising sea has forced residents of two Pacific Islands to be permanently relocated, as well as forcing the relocation of an Alaskan village that has been in existence for 400 years.

But what does it have to do with me, you say. I don't live in a coastal area (but a huge percentage of the Earth's population does). You would be astounded by how important it is that the Arctic environment and waters stay cold. The coldness of the water there is key in the movement of the Earth's tides and the enrichment of the ocean waters, which all marine life needs to survive. The tides help to create air movement and weather patterns. These things are critical to the current and future health of Earth.

How does this happen? Well all the water in the oceans eventually finds its way to the Arctic, where it becomes cold. The warm water stays on top and the cold water sinks, like a giant conveyor belt. I watched a documentary where you actually saw the sea folding- fascinating stuff. This turnover fed the currents worldwide, constantly moving enriched water from one place to another in constant movement throughout the world's oceans. If you raise the temperature of the Arctic and its waters, this folding of cold water under warmer water does not happen. Eventually the Earth's ocean's would become stagnant, which would negatively affect the water quality and the ocean's sustainability of marine life. While you may not eat a lot of fish, many around the world depend on it, and marine animals and plants form a major part of the food chain so it would eventually affect us all.

Take the time to read up on global warming- the potential impact it could have is staggering. Look at how you can do your part in keeping the impact of your daily life to a minimum. Any reduction in greenhouse gasses is a good one and can save you money to boot. Become aware of the environmental views of your representatives and hold them accountable for their votes. Let government and corporations know how you feel about policies and actions that harm the environment. Support the politicians and corporations who try to safeguard the environment with your dollars and votes.

You take care of yourself and your loved ones; don't forget to take care of the planet that takes care of you.

Coming to a country near you...

Over the last few weeks, the middle class in China has been a hotbed of unrest- strikes, protests, and widespread complaints. Over the last ten years, they have gotten used to their standard of living, complete with cars, vacations, gadgets, and meals out with friends. The younger generation has come to see these things as a right. The Chinese are no longer willing to live a life of subsistence; they want more.

China has become yet another country to fall to the lure of materialism, confusing the ability to have "stuff" for rights. They are not protesting for basic freedoms or human rights. Those are secondary. They are unhappy with the government because the government is not doing what they feel is necessary to guarantee their current level of material comfort.

What's the big deal, you say. The big deal is that, like any capitalist economy, the moment human rights and freedoms become secondary to material comfort beyond basic survival, then freedom becomes a saleable commodity. All a government has to do is keep you fat and happy, providing lots of "stuff" to distract you, and they have the right to treat you however they want. It's like waving a shiny object in front of your face to distract you as they get ready to kick you.

Here in the US, we trade money for basic rights every day. We allow companies to pollute our environment and to exploit our open spaces so that we can save a few pennies on consumer goods. We give up our privacy for convenience, with cell phones, EZ pass cards, and shopping and debit cards. We allow corporate interests to dictate our war policies and so send our sons to die on foreign shores. We permit greed for "stuff" to erode love and kindness toward others. We have sold ourselves and our higher ideals for cars, TVs, jewelry, clothes and more and have become so blinded that many of us do not even notice what is going on around us. While I am no conspiracy theorist, I am aware that there are injustices and short changing being done to us everyday without our knowledge.

Over concern with material wealth is a disease and it is spreading. Is it any wonder that societies who have other values do not want anything to do with us? Even why they hate us? While the ideas that founded this country are admirable: equality, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, we have focused almost solely on the pursuit of happiness. And it is not just that pursuit, but how we define happiness that is the danger. Corporate America, in its evolution to multinational status, has spread that material vision of "happiness" far and wide with pinpoint accurancy and effectiveness. Western Europe has long since fallen victim to it, now the East is too. Next, the whole world.

The answer starts with every one of us. We must look at ourselves and our lives and start asking the hard questions. What is it we truly need? What are the things that have truly brought us lasting personal peace and happiness? What are the things that I have that are not necessary to that peace and happiness? What are the things I can do to bring that true peace and happiness into my life and the lives of others? I would be willing to bet that the answers to these questions do not gel with what Madison Avenue has been telling us.

I am not saying that all material things are evil and that we should not be striving for progress. It is only when we can focus on things other than basic survival that we can give time and space to higher principles. What I am concerned about is the unchecked pursuit of these things and the dangerously elevated status placed on them. I refuse to have the value of my life on this earth to be defined by the pile of "stuff" I have accumulated and consumed by the end of it. I am not the sum of my things; I am the sum of my actions and the effect these actions have had on this world. My life is justified by how I have brought more love, compassion, understanding, and kindness into this world.

If you had to write your obituary today, what would you want it to say? How would you want the value of your life to be summed up? What would you want your impact on this world to be?

On the flip side...

Yesterday I wrote about settling and why it should be avoided. Fear of settling leads many in another harmful direction- the pursuit of perfection and living life with blinders on. The most obvious place people do this is in relationships, but it doesn't stop there.

How many times have you spoken with a friend who is in a relationship with someone who is not "perfect", but who is a caring and good person with many suitable characteristics that make for a positive and workable relationship? This friend does nothing but focus on that person's faults and why they aren't "perfect". Maybe they don't earn as much money or is as successful as your friend would like. Maybe they aren't as attractive or as well built as your friend feels they deserve. Maybe they have children from a previous relationship who are imperfect too, or have different beliefs on issues such as religion or politics. Maybe they don't say or do exactly the right thing at exactly the right time. Your friend is so focused on these things that they fail to see what is wonderful about this person and what makes them a good potential life partner. This person's only real crime is that they are not "perfect" and so your friend dumps them, continuing to look for the one person who will meet all their requirements, even though you know that the person they are looking for doesn't exist. In their eyes, anything less than the "perfect" partner is "settling", and that they cannot do!

This is just as true for jobs, houses, cars, friends, material possessions; anything that can be judged and found "lacking". So many are constantly chasing that "something better", not realizing that if they looked with open eyes that "something better" was right in front of them. They are chasing mirages; things that seem real at a distance but are really nothing more than illusions. When I talked about settling, I was discussing when we accept the ideals, motivation, and dreams of another instead of discovering and pursuing our own. I was talking about leading an inauthentic life, one that was not true to ourselves. This is very different from the fruitless pursuit of perfection that does not exist.

There is nothing wrong with sticking to your guns and not accepting a situation that is negative or harmful. In a relationship, no one should have to accept abuse or of any kind, no matter how great their partner is otherwise. No one should have to stand for being demeaned on a regular basis in a job for little pay. Everyone has the right to expect honestly, loyalty, and decency from their friends. But do not confuse the right to have standards for the right to set such a high bar that all who allow themselves to open up to you and let you see their flaws cannot measure up.

The right partner, job, or friend for you will NOT be perfect; there will be flaws and mistakes. But in the end, those flaws and mistakes should pale in comparison with the sterling qualities you see, find and value. A man who is true of spirit and kind of heart, but who might be a few inches or dollars shorter than you'd like could be exactly the right partner for you. The woman whose bust size or personal beauty does not measure up to your ideal, but who does her best to be supportive and accepting of you might just be the one you need. The job with the annoying guy in the cubicle down the hall that gives you the opportunity to stretch yourself and grow may be the one you need to be in at that moment to learn and become the person you are destined to be. The friend who may stick their foot in their mouth sometimes and is not as attentive as you'd like, but who is always there when you really need them, may be the one who is a true friend for life.

Don't blind yourself to what is around you for fear of settling. Look at the people and things around you and judge them through your own clear lens, not someone else's. Nor through a high powered microscope or rose colored glasses, either.

A partner, job, friend, or possession may not be "perfect", but they may be just perfect for you.

Settling

I am ordinary. I have not achieved any degree of stature, notoriety, or renown. I live a quiet life, doing the same day to day things that everyone else does, maybe even a bit more under the radar then others around me. No one looking at me would say to themselves "there goes Somebody". And that's okay with me. Once upon a time, when I was younger, I had a burning desire to be Somebody; a person who has done, and continues to do, great things. I didn't believe that living an ordinary life was conducive to accomplishing anything noteworthy. To do things of merit, your name had to be written in the stars for all to see and recognize. Quiet was not desirable; I had to shout to have my words be worthwhile. Happiness hinged on having the respect and admiration of others, to be seen as being a person worthy of that respect and admiration. I've learned so much since then.

Yes, what you do is important. Your actions create ripples in this life that extend out far beyond you. I would never argue they are not. Your actions define you and your principles in the eyes of others and serve as inspiration and motivation for those whose lives you touch. You have the ability through them to make the world a better place for all and the duty to do so. But just as important is the person that you are and that you choose to be. It's the person inside; the inner being whose thoughts and feelings guide those actions. And the only person who can truly appreciate that person is you, because you are the only person that can truly see that inner being in its unadorned state. You are the only one who can hear the rhythm of your own drum and follow along.

I talk about settling because it is something that so many of us do and that we are all tempted to do. Settling on a temporary basis can sometimes be the rest we need to regroup before carrying on, but many of us get stuck there. We confuse settling in our lives, our selves, our hopes, and our responsibilities for acceptance. We tell ourselves that we have gotten "real", that we "see things the way they really are and have dealt with it." But have we done that, or are we using "acceptance of reality" as an excuse for settling and conforming to a routine, ideal, or mode of living that is easy and comfortable? One that has been handed to us by others?

Wait a minute, you say; my life is not easy. I have a lot of obligations. I have people who count on me. Some days I feel as if I am pulled in too many directions at once and there are not enough hours in the day to do all that I need to do. I am not saying that your life is carefree; the point I want to make is that by charting a course that is set out by others and their idea of what life is and should be, we have settled for the easy path in life. It is hard to decide what the right way for YOU is and even harder to follow it when it runs counter to what everyone else is doing; to follow the path that is genuine and unique to you. It is much easier to just go along with what everyone else thinks is right and what everyone else's version of a successful life is.

Look around you, look at your life. How much of it is someone else's idea of what your life should be and how much is yours? How much of what you have someone else's idea of what the trappings of success is and how much is what you need? Do you judge the worth of someone or something by how it will be perceived by others or by what it means to you? When you add things to your life, do you still continue to feel empty, even while those around you look at you with envy?

I may be ordinary. I may have a quiet life. But it is my life, the opinions of others be damned. I have chosen not to settle, I have chosen to strike my own path into sometimes unexplored territory. I do not know where I will end up at the end of this journey, because I am not following the path of someone who has ended up at a destination and has cleared the way for me to see. It is scary and hurtful sometimes; there are times I feel alone and misunderstood, even looked down upon. That said, when you hop off the beaten track it is hard to go back. Sometimes I my path runs parallel to others or even merges with others, but when it does it is by choice. In the end, it is still my path and my destination. And I wouldn't have it any other way. The fact that I am ordinary means that my "achievement" is nothing special; it is something that we all can do. Something that YOU can do.

We are coming to the end of one year and the beginning of a new one. Use this time of reflection to ask questions and take stock of your life. Listen to the answers, even if they are not what you want to hear. Listen with YOUR ears, see with YOUR inner eye and not with the ears and eyes of others. Be true to the person you are inside and make adjustments that align your life with who you really are and what you really believe. Trust your inner self; he/she is far better and more kind than you would think. Blaze a trail unlike any that has been traveled before and do not settle for the beaten track. While you may be on your path alone, you have company. Good luck and God speed.

More on perception...

Perception is a powerful force. It colors facts and the world as it exists and can change them into whatever vision the perceiver wishes it to be. This can be for the good or for the bad. People in love often turn a blind eye on the faults of their beloved, looking at all that person does through the benevolent eye given them by love. People can also let bad experience taint everything and everyone with the shadow of suspicion and mistrust, so that even the most innocent gesture seems suspect in the eyes of the perceiver.

Given the truth of the power of perception, it is not a stretch to say that we all have the ability to create the world we live in. We can make it a happy place, full of love, kindness, generosity, and general good will. We can also make it a place of full of malice, selfishness, deception, and ill will. It is up to us to decide what kind of world we want to live in and to tune our perception accordingly. Are we willing to give others the benefit of the doubt, or are we going to insist on placing a negative motive to every slight to us, whether real or imagined?

I, for one, would rather live in a world where people are flawed and make mistakes, but are essentially good people with good intentions. They are not out to deliberately hurt anyone and wish to act justly and fairly. Any bad acts are not done out of malice, but out of a lack of consideration of the potential consequences or of a human weakness (which we all have). That is not to excuse selfishness or pettiness, but to place it in context and to maintain the hope we have the ability to rise above it. The world I live in has a bright future as long as all act according to the higher calling of their nature and do what they can to act for the common welfare of all. I choose to see mankind as the force for good that they can be if they only choose to be. As the hymn says, "We are the Light of the world. May our light shine before all, that they may see the good that we do..."

What kind of world do YOU want to live in? Are you willing to make the adjustment in perception necessary to bring it about? Will you exercise compassion, patience, and understanding when the situation requires you to in order to keep this vision of the world? It is a challenge, yes, but one that is worthwhile and necessary to the world's survival and to ours as well.

Let the love and generosity of the Christmas spirit guide you, not just today, but every day of the year. Be like Ebeneezer Scrooge in A Christmas Carol (if you haven't read it, it's a short read and I suggest you do so). Use the good will of this time of year to put you in touch with the part of yourself that recognizes and believes in hope and the goodness of others. Apply that belief in your dealings with others. If the eyes of a man like Scrooge can be opened and his perception changed, then so can yours.

The Politics of Perception

At a time when this nation is dealing with major issues on several fronts and DESPERATELY needs to work together, political sour grapes is yet again rearing its ugly head. There are small minded politicians who are on the attack and putting their own petty concerns above the demonstrated need for political unity and cooperation.

I am talking about the comments of Rep. Eric Cantor of Virginia, the new GOP House whip: "The serious nature of the crimes listed by federal prosecutors raises questions about the interaction with Gov. Blagojevich, President-elect Obama and other high ranking officials who will be working for the future president." He is joined by right-wing pundits and the head of the RNC in their insistence on tying Obama to this man and slinging him through the mud. But the perception they are trying to create does not match reality.

In hours of tapes the FBI collected in taps of the phones on Blagojevich's home and offices, there were no calls made to Blagojevich by Obama. In fact, Blagojevich is recorded using expletives to describe Obama and complain of the lack of gratitude and appreciation from the Obama camp. This is not the only act of political corruption or influence peddling that the Governor is accused of. He is accused of trying to use his influence to silence editors who were publicly critical of him and of threatening others by withholding promised government suppot. Not exactly the words and actions that would display any long standing corruption between Obama and Blagojevich. But the Republicans are grasping at any straw to find fault with Obama, so the fact that the two men are from the same state, have spoken to each other, and are from the same party is enough to make him guilty in their eyes.

I think that the Right at this point is trying to find anything they can to bring Obama down in the eyes of the public. He has gone across party and ideological lines in assembling his Cabinet and is actually showing signs of taking his mandate seriously. Early indications show that he may even be successful in his execution of the job. The Republican leadership and right-wing pundits want anything but that. They want him to fall on his face so that they can pick up the Presidency and regain control of Congress by 2012. They even hold out hope that they can foist someone like Sarah Palin on us again and have a landslide victory on their hands. But where would that leave the American people and their nation? I really think they are so short-sighted and blinded by partisanship that they really aren't thinking about it or, even worse, don't care.

It's this type of behavior that shows the ugly side of politics which turns people off and causes voter apathy. At this point in time, we need people to feel hope, to feel inspired, to want to rise above our difficulties, and to have the strength and fortitude to take the action (and make the sacrifices) necessary to do what needs to be done. This is not a time for vindictiveness and infighting in Washington, among its public servants, or its party leadership. Nor is it for America. This is a time for unity and to show ourselves and the world what it means to be an American.

Let's all focus on sharing the credit for our future success when they arrive, not look to assign the blame for failures that have not even happened. Let's keep a proper and positive focus and knock off the petty chest thumping. We owe it to our, our children's, and our nation's health and survival.

A lesson from my father...

My father is a smart man who likes to make jokes and be silly with his children and grandchildren, but he also tosses out the occasional pearl of wisdom that on reflection can knock you for a loop. The latest occurred on Thanksgiving weekend when I went up to visit him.

My son and I went to see Independence Hall and the Liberty Bell on a day trip to Philadelphia. Ian loved it, asking all kinds of questions and generally keeping his hand up in the air while on the tours to get them answered. I don't know if the guides thought it was a welcome change or that he was a pain in the butt. He told my dad all about it when we got back to his place and my dad said something profound. He said that the more he found out about the founding fathers, the more he admired them because they were highly imperfect people who were committed to creating something better than themselves. I had to stop and think at that one.

Picture the founding fathers as a group. There were native born Americans and ones who came here from other places. There were old and young. There were experienced and jaded men in the group, as well as ones who had a lot of years before them but were enthusiastic and full of the grand visions of youth. There were those born well to do and those born to poverty. That this group of such different men were able to agree on a single vision is remarkable enough, but that it was such a sweeping and revolutionary vision really shows that something very special and rare occurred in those rooms. Men like Benjamin Franklin, who had seen it all, was an established businessmen, and of a very practical mind, combined their vision of what a nation could be with men like Alexander Hamilton, who grew up poor in the Caribbean but had youthful idealism, ambition, and vigor. They all cared passionately about what they were doing and said to themselves that if they were going to create the government of a nation from scratch, then they were going to sit down and do it right. It was not enough to piece something together from what had been done before.

Both the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution were originally supposed to be mere adjustments to documents and relationships already in place. The Declaration was to have been nothing more than an official complaint letter to King George and the Constitution a revision of the Articles of Confederation. But once those men got into a room together and started talking, they all came to the mind that it just wasn't enough. They wanted to draw their line in the sand and create documents that aspired to the best in us and manifested the higher ideals of humankind in a workable way. They knew that it would not be easy and that their work would not be perfect, but darn it, they were going to give it a try and do the best they could. Their best try has lasted the better part of 250 years and are documents that have been models for similar ones the world over. While we are still a relatively new nation, our Constitution is the oldest one still in use. I'd say they were successful, don't you?

When you look at the stories of these men, their imperfections are there for anyone to see. They were no angels. Ben Franklin left his wife behind for years at a time, had at least one illegitimate son (who inherited his legacy), and died of a venereal disease (syphilis). Alexander Hamilton was an illegitimate son of a woman who was drummed out by her husband for having the affair which resulted in his birth. He was brash, had a quick and nasty temper, and caused quite a few scandals. Thomas Jefferson was a slaveholder who fathered many children with one of his slaves, Sally Hemmings, yet never recognized her status in his life or freed her. John Adams was a back stabber who was moody and vindictive. James Monroe was an opportunist that betrayed Hamilton, his lifelong friend, for political gain. Thomas Paine, whose work Common Sense was an impetus for these men, was in and out of debtors prisons during his life. Not the nicest bunch of guys, but they saw the opportunity to rise above who they were, to imagine an ideal form of government that achieved what had until then been impossible, and to make it happen.

The next time you think to yourself that you aren't capable of doing anything truly inspiring, idealistic, or admirable because you are flawed, you are less than, think about these men and what they accomplished. They were no better than you, but they left a great and lasting legacy that is more than any one of them. You have the ability to do that too. While you may not have the opportunity to form a nation, there are chances to do wonderful things and make a difference all around you. Some are in concert with others, some are individual. Some are big, some are small. But all are within your grasp and allow you draw your line in the sand, say enough, and do something about it. Whatever good you achieve is that much more good than the world had before your efforts.

What are you waiting for? Stop, look, see, and, most of all, DO!

To friends old and new...

When it comes to me and friends, I don't know which came first; the chicken or the egg. Did I not have a lot of friends because it was never a priority, or was my ambivalence come from the fact I didn't ever have many friends? I have always been a bit more self-contained than most and was never uncomfortable in my own company. Is it who I am, or is it a long standing reaction to having a hard time making friends when I was growing up? As a kid, I was a bully's ideal candidate; I was skinny and a late bloomer, not athletic, bookwormish, got good grades and was liked by the teachers, had red hair and freckles, and was very precocious. The only thing I didn't have were buck teeth and glasses. I remember wanting to be invited to classmates' birthday parties, only to not be, and to being one of the last ones picked for any teams in school. I would guess that I did want to have friends, but were they picking up on a vibe I was sending out and responding accordingly?

Some people are natural magnets who attract people with their warmth, open nature, and enthusiasm; that is not me. I have never been accused of being the life of the party or the most easily approachable person, but at this point in my life that is who I am. I like who I am and as a friend, I may not be the warmest, but I am very loyal, caring, and supportive of those who I care about. There is a very clear and definite line for me between an acquaintance and a friend, and I never thought I needed very many of either. But something strange has happened- at the age of 37, I have friends, plural. And not just family members or significant others. I have looked up and found myself surrounded by people who care about what I am doing and who I am. None of this was intentional, it just happened, and I have received support for my personal growth and my work that I never would have expected. The thing I find most surprising of all is how much I have discovered that I like it.

I think this is because of a combination of things; some internal, some external. As I have aged, my outlook in life, my perceived need to defend myself, and my appreciation for the quirks and differences in others has changed. I have settled into the world and found the place where I want to be in it. The people I meet who are my age, or people I have known for a while, seem to be in the same place too, for the most part. I have found the importance of expressing myself and speaking the truth, while being diplomatic and sensitive to the feelings of others. This lets people get to know me, but not hate me before they do. I have realized that love is a thing that should be shared with all, not just a hand picked few or a significant other. I have profound moments where I just plain LOVE my friends... and I have to tell you, it feels pretty darn good. I'm no longer "saving my love" for someone "special", hording it like a secret stash of chocolate. I tell my friends I love them and that they are important to me, and mean it.

I would like to believe that I have just been lucky enough to be surrounded by the right people at the right time, but I don't think that's true. I am coming to believe that wonderful people are all around you if you choose to see them. Not to say that I have not made some mistakes and been unpleasantly surprised by people who I thought were friends, but I have been pleasantly surprised far more often than not.

At this time of year especially, thinking of all the things you are grateful for and showing appreciation for the people and things that matter most in your life is something that should be a regular occurrence. To that end, I want to send my love and admiration to all those I call my friends, old and new. I am thankful that you are in my life and all that you add to it. I would not and could not be who I am without you.

All you need is love?

Love. People spend countless hours, money, and attention in their search for it. I think the search for love, the feelings it creates, and the loss of it are the primary motivations for almost everything we do. Why do we do everything in our power to twist it and reject it?

I'm single, but I'm sure that many married people can identify with what I have to say. I think it is a given that we all want love in our lives. We all want to feel that unconditional acceptance that comes from being understood and appreciated by those who love us. We want it so badly that the fear of losing it once we have it can cause us to do all sorts of crazy things. But so many of us, if not all of us at one point or another, let that fear to cause us to act in ways that deny, destroy, or push away the love we so desperately seek. As a single person, I have seen this time and time again. And it's sad.

We all need to get real about the love that we want and need in our lives. Let's just admit that love is important and start taking the steps to clear away the clutter and roadblocks we have set up for ourselves in manifesting it. Who cares what did what to whom in the past? The past is just that- the past- and all you do by continuing to allow the past to dictate your present is to continue to give those injuries more destructive power.

Let's look at an example and I think you'll see how silly it really is. You fall in love and get used/dumped/hurt, losing the love you thought you had. You get angry and defensive and tell yourself that you won't let anyone get close to you like that again so that you won't get hurt again. However, the thing that hurt so much was the absence of love, the loss of it, right? What do you do when you hold yourself apart from people and refuse to get close? You prevent yourself from getting close enough to love someone or for them to love you. So you purposely create an absence of love. You are creating exactly the same situation that you found so hurtful and damaging. Does that make any sense?

There are no guarantees in life; not all loves end happily ever after. You might get hurt. But don't ensure that you never have the love you want and need in your life by preventing it from ever happening. Take a chance; write a new story on the blank page you are given each day. Let your past hurts stay in the past; don't carry them into your future. Don't wait for a person to come along and jump through hoops to prove themselves; make the changes to yourself that will allow love to enter into your life. The only person whose actions you can control is your own. Give others the same opportunities to make mistakes you would like them to give you and do not expect more from them than they have the right to expect from you. Practice giving every day so that it becomes a habit, not a tit for tat.

Unless there is an odd number of people in the world, there is someone out there for everyone. Someone to love and be loved by us. Love is there- just open your heart and mind, then let it in.

The art of giving and receiving

In this season of giving, the flip side of receiving comes into focus as well. I have a question to ask and want you to take a moment to really think about the answer: when you give, do you give in anticipation of what you will receive in return? Is generosity a quid pro quo?

If so, I will argue that you will never get back what you give in equal measure and that you will never receive everything there was to get from the act of giving. Value is relative; give a gift worth $100 to a poor man and it has great value. Give a $100 gift to a rich man and it has little or no value. Sports tickets given to a true fan will be met with gratitude; given to a fashionista or a bookworm and those tickets will be met with scorn. So a gift that has great value to you may not have the same value to another. If the receiver gives a gift to you that shows the regard with which they hold your gift, you will be disappointed in what you get because it will not measure up in your mind.

I have an alternative to suggest- give a gift just to give, to show the other person that you have thought about them and want to bring them a moment of happiness. The joy that comes with true generosity far outweighs anything anyone could give you. It is a warmth that comes from the soul that makes a return gift a moot point. It is a feeling that will never disappoint and any gift you receive in return an added bonus.

The warmth that comes from generosity feeds your life in so many ways and makes you a nicer person to be around. It is truly the gift that keeps on giving. Think of Scrooge at the end of Dickens' A Christmas Carol as opposed to how he was at the beginning. He took the joy he felt and spread it to everyone, with a far bigger impact than mere material gifts could have. Generosity fed his love, for both himself and his fellow man. And isn't love the one thing this world always needs more of?

When someone gives you a gift, instead of judging the weight of a person's regard by the gift they give, look at the act of giving behind it and appreciate it. See the generosity and love behind the gift. I know the phrase "it's the thought that counts" is tired, but that does not make it any less true.

Tune in to the spirit of the season and Christmas will be richer and fuller than you could ever imagine.