I'll save the more personal stuff for here. This is the place where I can riff on the thoughts and observations on people, thoughts, and feelings.
Been on an online dating site- got depressed on Valentine's Day and wanted to give it a shot. It's been interesting to say the least. Men are funny (but I'm sure they think that way about us). These are guys who are serious enough about looking for someone that they have taken the trouble to put a profile online and check it. Some have even come out and said they are looking for a long term relationship. For a guy to actually come out and declare that, that he's looking for a serious relationship; that's some major stuff. Most guys want to be able to leave a foot outside the door, so they'll say they're interested in dating so they can always come back with they weren't looking for anything serious when the girl they've been dating wants more.
Anyway, in the curse of only a week I have been intently pursued and then mysteriously rejected by 4 different guys. For anyone who has done online dating before, you know the one- he fills up your inbox and wants responses, says he wants to know all about you, maybe even wants your number or gives you his, and then POOF!. In a puff of smoke he is gone, as quickly as he appeared...
Or the one that wants to talk right away because he is too busy to email. Then dude, why are you on an ONLINE dating site, where communication is done via email. Would you call someone who came up to you on the street, said two sentences to you and gave you their number? Heck, no, but this guy who says he is looking for a long term relationship, whose profile heading is "Looking for a wife and mother" thinks that is reasonable. If he has no patience for exchanging a couple of emails, does he have the patience to deal with a colicky baby. Somehow I think not...
We won't even go into the guys who are of a certain age, who are totally average in looks and not the most fit specimens (but claim to be average or athletic- compared to who, men in a retirement home?), yet feel that they should be dating a woman under the age of 28, is hot looking, who wears a size 2 or 4 and has a c cup or better, and who could get any guy she wants. This woman will be mature, independent, have a stable job, is not high maintenance, and is happy dating a completely average guy with nothing special going for him in the looks or money department. I find it inspiring that there are people who are capable of such strong irrational faith in this world- or completely frightening...
Or the ones who think that the way to a girl's heart is by completely insulting her and pissing her off, cause "we all like a challenge". If he treats me kindly from the get go, I might expect it. Better to let me know what I'm getting into from the start, I mean who can't respect that kind of honesty...
There's more stories in the naked city, but I will peel them off one by one like the layers of an onion. And like an onion, they are stinky and can make you cry if you let them...
Monday, February 23, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
When too much is not enough
I am a devoted mother who happens to be a never married single parent who has raised my son without a partner. It has not always been an easy road to take, but before I made that choice I took the time to seriously consider all the options, responsibilities, and consequences of my actions. I had not planned to get pregnant, but realized that I was in the right place mentally and emotionally to have a child and could develop the resources necessary to successfully raise that 1 child. I have never taken any government assistance other than unemployment when I was laid off nor took any child support, no matter how hard things got over the 10 years of my son's life. While I would like to have another child one day, I know that raising that child alone again is not an option; it would be more than I could handle and just not be fair.
That said, while I understand a woman's desire and right to have and raise a child outside of a relationship, I do not understand the selfishness and lack of forethought displayed by Nadya Suleman. She deliberately planned to have a minimum of 7 children with no job or ability to raise them independently. She did not start to have her children until she was on disability for a back injury sustained on the job. She used the state's money to allow her to be pregnant for the bulk of the last 9 years and her pregnancies to justify her disabled status in order to keep collecting checks. She, in an interview, referred to herself as an 'incubator'. The fact that she claims to have saved for the money to pay for her in vitro shows that she did all this deliberately. Granting that the octuplets were not in her plan, at what point during her 6 other pregnancies did it not occur to her that the fact that she was raising these children without a partner, making her these children's sole support, was more than she could handle? Did she think that eventually she would meet a man who would want to be with her and help her raise all these kids? Did she really think that she could without a doubt be a good mother to all these children? As a woman who has experienced what I have experienced, her delusional and irresponsible behavior flat out mystifies and disgusts me. And the fact that I, as a tax payer, am expected to foot the bill is a slap in the face.
I and every one else is paying to support these kids have a vested interest in their welfare. In that interest, I would suggest that these children be taken from Miss Suleman and be placed with families that have the ability and desire to raise them responsibly. If she had the means, I may not feel that way. If she found herself in this situation by accident (although 7 times would be a stretch), I would be more sympathetic. However the fact that she deliberately chose to do this and underwent hardship to carry it out gives me no reason to be sympathetic. She chose to bring children into the world with no regard to their safety and future welfare and felt that it was everyone else's responsibility to help fund this. To me, it is child endangerment, pure and simple.
People have vilified the doctor who did this, laying the blame at his feet by saying that he never should have done the in vitro to begin with. This woman is unhinged and determined; if it was not this doctor, she would have done whatever it took to find another. The responsibility and blame lies on her shoulders and hers alone. Someone needs to show the regard for these children's rights and needs and place them in good, loving homes and her in jail or a mental institution where anyone who shows that kind of callous disregard for her children should be. Her delusion and need to be loved will never allow her to do that.
I hate to see a situation where the state needs to act in a way that infringes on the rights of another, but enough is enough. That is a lesson these children should never have to learn the hard way.
That said, while I understand a woman's desire and right to have and raise a child outside of a relationship, I do not understand the selfishness and lack of forethought displayed by Nadya Suleman. She deliberately planned to have a minimum of 7 children with no job or ability to raise them independently. She did not start to have her children until she was on disability for a back injury sustained on the job. She used the state's money to allow her to be pregnant for the bulk of the last 9 years and her pregnancies to justify her disabled status in order to keep collecting checks. She, in an interview, referred to herself as an 'incubator'. The fact that she claims to have saved for the money to pay for her in vitro shows that she did all this deliberately. Granting that the octuplets were not in her plan, at what point during her 6 other pregnancies did it not occur to her that the fact that she was raising these children without a partner, making her these children's sole support, was more than she could handle? Did she think that eventually she would meet a man who would want to be with her and help her raise all these kids? Did she really think that she could without a doubt be a good mother to all these children? As a woman who has experienced what I have experienced, her delusional and irresponsible behavior flat out mystifies and disgusts me. And the fact that I, as a tax payer, am expected to foot the bill is a slap in the face.
I and every one else is paying to support these kids have a vested interest in their welfare. In that interest, I would suggest that these children be taken from Miss Suleman and be placed with families that have the ability and desire to raise them responsibly. If she had the means, I may not feel that way. If she found herself in this situation by accident (although 7 times would be a stretch), I would be more sympathetic. However the fact that she deliberately chose to do this and underwent hardship to carry it out gives me no reason to be sympathetic. She chose to bring children into the world with no regard to their safety and future welfare and felt that it was everyone else's responsibility to help fund this. To me, it is child endangerment, pure and simple.
People have vilified the doctor who did this, laying the blame at his feet by saying that he never should have done the in vitro to begin with. This woman is unhinged and determined; if it was not this doctor, she would have done whatever it took to find another. The responsibility and blame lies on her shoulders and hers alone. Someone needs to show the regard for these children's rights and needs and place them in good, loving homes and her in jail or a mental institution where anyone who shows that kind of callous disregard for her children should be. Her delusion and need to be loved will never allow her to do that.
I hate to see a situation where the state needs to act in a way that infringes on the rights of another, but enough is enough. That is a lesson these children should never have to learn the hard way.
Friday, February 6, 2009
25 Random Things...
I saw an online article yesterday complaining about this new thing sweeping Facebook called 25 Random Things About _____ . The article went off on how trivial and self serving it was and made fun of the whole thing. I can't say as I agree. I and a number of people I know have made and posted our lists. On the whole, these are people I have not seen in a very long time and am reestablishing contact with. Even though I have always remembered them fondly, I have not been an active part of their lives for as much as 25 years. I have learned so much about them from these lists, things that make me see and appreciate them in a light that I may never had if this list did not exist. For that, I am grateful.
There is so much to a person and what defines them, a unique combination of personality and experience. So much of what shapes a person, especially who they are inside, can be small things that have a huge impact, but are not "important" enough to become a part of conversation. I read so many things that surprised, impressed, and moved me that would never come up in a call or email and things in common I never would have suspected or thought of asking about. I have such greater appreciation for the people who have been a part of my life; people who I thought were just accidentally placed there. It seems that it may not be so accidental. Even if I never see or speak to these people again, I have learned something from them all which will always make them valuable to me. I have been allowed to see into who they are, what they value, and what makes them unique and special. This seemingly trivial act, the making of this list, has given me far more than I ever could have imagined. I hope that all of the people I know make this list. I look forward to the little treasures they will leave behind.
Thank you to whoever started this list. You have connected me to a world I would not have known existed.
There is so much to a person and what defines them, a unique combination of personality and experience. So much of what shapes a person, especially who they are inside, can be small things that have a huge impact, but are not "important" enough to become a part of conversation. I read so many things that surprised, impressed, and moved me that would never come up in a call or email and things in common I never would have suspected or thought of asking about. I have such greater appreciation for the people who have been a part of my life; people who I thought were just accidentally placed there. It seems that it may not be so accidental. Even if I never see or speak to these people again, I have learned something from them all which will always make them valuable to me. I have been allowed to see into who they are, what they value, and what makes them unique and special. This seemingly trivial act, the making of this list, has given me far more than I ever could have imagined. I hope that all of the people I know make this list. I look forward to the little treasures they will leave behind.
Thank you to whoever started this list. You have connected me to a world I would not have known existed.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Glass houses...
I was reading about the disappointing result of the Daschle and Killefer nominations, I am reminded of two catchphrases. The first is, "Karma is a bitch." The second is, "Character is who you are when no one is watching." Both of these apply here. I don't think that these two individuals thought that the rules did not apply to them, although there seem to be plenty in Washington who do. I honestly believe that they are like a lot of us- they acted selfishly because they didn't think they were going to get caught and, since it was only taxes, no one was going to get hurt by them trying to keep more of their money than they should.
Before we condemn, let's have a moment of honesty here. Have you ever taken a deduction that was iffy or fudged an amount? Don't lie, almost everyone has. How do you think CPAs and tax attorneys stay in business? Why do we feel it is okay for us to condemn some one's character for something we have no qualms doing ourselves? Aren't we only harming ourselves by rejecting the help of experienced and well qualified people because they are no more perfect than we are? Obama, in reaction to this "scandal" has said that there should not be a different set of rules for those in office than there is for the American public. By expecting perfection from our public officials but not from ourselves, aren't we creating a separate set of rules for them?
That said, these two people demonstrate something that many of us deny- there is a day of reckoning for every bad act we take. It may take for a while and we may even forget the circumstances under which it happened, but eventually our bad acts will come back and bite us on the butt in one way or another. The determination of the goodness of an act does not rest with whether or not we are likely to get caught. Just because you weren't detected and held responsible doesn't mean that what you did was okay.
While no one is perfect and one's good acts should outweigh the bad ones, we do not through our imperfection and good acts get carte blanche to do whatever we want, especially if we feel no one will find out or "everyone else does it too." In our hearts, we know what is right and wrong. Even if no one EVER finds out, we know what we did and it affects how we view ourselves and the choices we make later on. Karma is not limited to the outside effects of our actions, we create karma for ourselves through our internal choices. Karma is a bitch, yes, but we ultimately decide just how much of a bitch we want it to be.
Then there's character. Our knowing what is right and wrong is the voice of our character. If we ALWAYS act with character, then we never have to look over our shoulder and wonder if retribution is coming. If we make sure that we are always right with ourselves and others, that we act with the same level of honesty and integrity that we wish from others, then we will never have to worry about a day of reckoning. If you are known for always telling the truth, when a situation comes up that throws doubt on you or what you have said, then you will be ten times more likely to be believed and given the benefit of the doubt. If you lie, even occasionally, then there will always be the question of whether you are telling the truth THIS time. Why put yourself in that position? Pretend that there is always someone watching, because even if no one else is, there's always your conscience.
And you can never escape your conscience; it's always with you.
Before we condemn, let's have a moment of honesty here. Have you ever taken a deduction that was iffy or fudged an amount? Don't lie, almost everyone has. How do you think CPAs and tax attorneys stay in business? Why do we feel it is okay for us to condemn some one's character for something we have no qualms doing ourselves? Aren't we only harming ourselves by rejecting the help of experienced and well qualified people because they are no more perfect than we are? Obama, in reaction to this "scandal" has said that there should not be a different set of rules for those in office than there is for the American public. By expecting perfection from our public officials but not from ourselves, aren't we creating a separate set of rules for them?
That said, these two people demonstrate something that many of us deny- there is a day of reckoning for every bad act we take. It may take for a while and we may even forget the circumstances under which it happened, but eventually our bad acts will come back and bite us on the butt in one way or another. The determination of the goodness of an act does not rest with whether or not we are likely to get caught. Just because you weren't detected and held responsible doesn't mean that what you did was okay.
While no one is perfect and one's good acts should outweigh the bad ones, we do not through our imperfection and good acts get carte blanche to do whatever we want, especially if we feel no one will find out or "everyone else does it too." In our hearts, we know what is right and wrong. Even if no one EVER finds out, we know what we did and it affects how we view ourselves and the choices we make later on. Karma is not limited to the outside effects of our actions, we create karma for ourselves through our internal choices. Karma is a bitch, yes, but we ultimately decide just how much of a bitch we want it to be.
Then there's character. Our knowing what is right and wrong is the voice of our character. If we ALWAYS act with character, then we never have to look over our shoulder and wonder if retribution is coming. If we make sure that we are always right with ourselves and others, that we act with the same level of honesty and integrity that we wish from others, then we will never have to worry about a day of reckoning. If you are known for always telling the truth, when a situation comes up that throws doubt on you or what you have said, then you will be ten times more likely to be believed and given the benefit of the doubt. If you lie, even occasionally, then there will always be the question of whether you are telling the truth THIS time. Why put yourself in that position? Pretend that there is always someone watching, because even if no one else is, there's always your conscience.
And you can never escape your conscience; it's always with you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)